A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1 & 2)
Written By: Jennifer Celotta Directed By: Harold Ramis Transcribed By: Admin [Dwight enters the office holding a dead goose] Dwight: Merry Christmas! [holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam’s desk] Pam: Merry Christ–- [looks up] No! Why are you--why did you bring that here? Dwight: Don’t worry, she’s dead. Oh wait... He’s dead. Pam: Dwight, what--uhh! Dwight: I accidentally ran over it. It’s a Christmas miracle. Pam: Well, get it out of here. Dwight: Relax, okay? And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen? Jim: Merry Christmas, Dwight. Dwight: Jim. Jim: Wow. What have we got here? Dwight: What does it look like? Jim: Dead goose. Dwight: And circle gets the square. Jim: All right. Dwight: [to Pam] So can you watch this? I’m gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk. Toby: Ah, Dwight, we talked about this. Dwight: No, Toby, this is different. He’s already dead. Dwight: Once, I brought in a duck, to prepare for lunch. And people got upset. [scoffs] Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn’t want to see it killed. Dwight: He was already dead. And we Schrute's use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator. Thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease. Jim: Wow. Win-Win. Dwight: Exactly. Thank you, Jim. Phyllis: I like goose. And if it’s already dead, is it so crazy we eat it? Creed: That’s crazy. It’s crazy. Toby: Dwight, you cannot keep that here. Dwight: Okay, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas. Toby: Come on, Dwight. We went over this, like, for a half an hour. Dwight: [whispering] It’s Christmas, Toby. Toby: It’s a dead animal in an office. You can’t-- Dwight: Toby… Toby: I’m sorry. Dwight: [sighs] Please? Please? Toby: Clean it in your car. Pam: I would like it off my desk. Dwight: Oh, Pam. Take a chill pill. [Michael exits the elevator with a bike and rides it down the hallway singing Deck the Halls] Michael: Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. [Struggling to stay on] ‘Tis… ah, [bleep]! Hey! [to Pam] I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps... some Pam chops. Pam: Can I help you-- Michael: With mint… Pam: Michael? Michael: I’m looking for the toy drive box. Pam: It’s behind you. Michael: Okay… Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it’ll fit, with all these little knickknacks. Jim: Wow. What kind of bike is that? Michael: Umm, I don’t know. Average kind. Kevin: The tires look pretty worn. Michael: Well, that is probably from the test drive. Jim: But the paint’s chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael? Michael: No. Andy: Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike. Michael: Oh, thanks. [Michael and Andy fist bump and make explosive noise] Pam: Michael? Michael: Yes? [Pam holds up a bag] Oh, Pam. That is so sweet. You didn’t have to do that. Pam: [hands over bag] I didn’t. It’s from corporate. Michael: Okay. Did everybody get one of these? Pam: Yup. Michael: Terrific. Good. Michael: This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. [singing] I’ve got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we’re leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica. All-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah. [laughs] [Creed enters the office and takes a toy from the Toy Drive box] Jim: Oh, I think you’re supposed to put a toy in the box, Creed. Creed: And a happy holiday to you. [Carol enters the office looking upset] Jim: [waves] Carol. Carol: Hi, is Michael around here? Michael: There she is! A Christmas Carol. Hello. [kisses Carol] You’re about five hours early to the party. Oh, you’re such a blonde. [laughs] Carol: Michael... Michael: Hey, everybody. I don’t know who you haven’t met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend, Carol. This is just the front of her. Show ’em--show ’em the other side. Carol: [whispers] What? Michael: Turn around, turn around. Come on. [making a body turning gesture] Carol: Get outta here. Michael: No, you get outta here. Andy: Michael.. Michael: Yes. Andy: If I may say, she’s even prettier that you described her. Dwight: [standing up] Oh, ouch. Michael, I don’t think there is anything wrong with the way you described her. Michael: Thank you. Carol: I really need a moment alone with you. [heads towards Michael’s office] Michael: Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. [traces his finger down her back and grabs her butt] Brrp! [laughs] [closes office door] [Carol and Michael talk in his office] Carol: What is this? [holds up a Christmas photo] Michael: That is my Christmas card. It’s a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. "Ski-sons Greetings." Carol: No. See, we never went on a ski trip. Michael: I know. Carol: I went on a ski trip-- Michael: Right. Carol: Two years ago, with my kids and my ex-husband. Michael: Yes, but what you didn’t realize at the time was that I was with you, in a sense. I was in your heart. Carol: Michael... Michael: And next to your kids. Carol: Michael... Michael: What? Carol: This is so weird. Michael: I don’t understand? Jim: It’s a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael’s a bold guy. [towards unseen cameraman] Is bold the right word? [Carol and Michael continue their conversation] Carol: I think you’re a really sweet guy. Michael: Okay. Carol: But, um... I don’t know how to deal with-- with, like this... thing [waves Christmas card]. And--and the proposal. And I don’t think things are gonna work out with us. Michael: No, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay. You know what? You’re not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need... to think this through in... [imitates drumroll] Jamaica’s largest fresh water pool. Carol: What are you talking about? Michael: I got us tickets... to Sandals, Jamaica. We leave day after tomorrow. [Carol shakes head in disappointment] Michael: You had better find the skimpiest bikini there is. Carol: Oh, no. Michael... Michael: And it’s all inclusive. Carol: Michael… Michael: Yes? Carol: I’m sorry. Michael: No, Carol. You walk out that door, and it is over. Carol: I know. [closes door] Pam: Psst. Jim. [Pam nods head towards her for him to come over] Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now. Because, um... Well, I’ll just tell you. Jim: What? Pam: [whispering] For the past few months, I’ve been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. [hands a folder to Jim] Jim: Are you serious? Pam: They’re considering him for a top-secret mission. There’s his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he’d never, ever tell. Jim: [opens folder and reads from Dwight’s file] "Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off 'cause he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp." Wow. Pam: So, here’s the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. [Jim smiles] Sorry I didn’t wrap it. Jim: [closes folder] You know what? Um... I really don’t think I should be doing this stuff anymore, though. Pam: Oh. Jim: No, just 'cause of the promotion. Pam: Oh, yeah. Jim: It just feels a little bit, like… Pam: No, I get it. Of course. Okay. [holds out hand for folder. Jim gives Pam back the folder] Jim: Oh. Jim: I feel like there’s a chance for me to start over. And... if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do, then… what am I doing? [Michael exits his office and addresses everyone] Michael: I’d like everybody’s attention. Christmas is canceled. Stanley: You can’t cancel a holiday. Michael: Keep it up, Stanley, and you will lose New Year’s. Stanley: What does that mean? Michael: Jim, take New Year’s away from Stanley. Pam: Michael, what’s going on? Michael: Carol and I... split up. Amicably. And I just don’t think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumst... Jim: Will they still air ‘Rudolph?’ Kevin: That’s not fair. All: [indistinguishable chatter] Dwight: Are we gonna cancel Hanukkah as well? Michael: Fine! [everybody stops talking] Michael: Have your party! Just no guests. Phyllis: But we invited guests. Michael: Well, you know what, Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway. Leaving your life a stupid, rotten mess. [quietly] Okay. [Michael lays on the floor near reception] Michael: [groans] It hurts. Pam: I know. Michael: It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms. Pam: Okay, well, why are you laying like that? [moves a little] Michael: Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts? Pam: Like what? Michael: Like maybe, the real reason they left was because... there were things they wanted you to do in bed... that were... Pam: Wha--um-- I, I don’t… Michael: Foreign, and scary. Pam: I--I don't believe-- Michael: And not that you didn’t want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I’m referring to? Pam: I don’t need to know. Dwight: Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, it appears we’re one bathrobe short. Michael: Take it from Toby. Dwight: Copy. Michael: Pam, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me? Pam: No, thank you. Michael: It’s all--okay. [Pam walks away] [Toby sits at his desk and looks at his robe, Dwight approaches] Toby: Hey, Dwight. Pretty nice robes there. [Dwight snatches the gift bag with the robe in it from Toby] Toby: Why? [the Party Planning Committee talk in the conference room] Angela: Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch. Phyllis: I thought you said green was whorish. Angela: No, orange is whorish. Karen: Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year, we have a Christmas raffle. [Phyllis and Pam nod their heads in agreement] Pam: Cool. Angela: It would never work here. Karen: Okay. Um, another idea was... karaoke. Angela: No. Karen: A Christmas drinking game. Meredith: Yes. Angela: God help you. Karen: What? Angela: These are all terrible ideas. And none of them are on the theme of “A Nutcracker Christmas.” I think you should leave. Karen: You’re kidding. Angela: You tried this out, and it’s clearly not for you. It’s time to go. Come on. [Angela gets up from seat] Please? [Karen gets up and leaves] Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much. [Angela closes door] [Michael sits at his desk as James Blunt's, Goodbye My Lover plays. Dwight enters with a box unannounced and starts packing things up from Michael's desk] Michael: What are you doing? Dwight: You are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol. [Andy pokes his head through the door] Andy: Hey, what’s the haps? [Dwight shuts door in his face] Michael: Carol? Dwight: Oh, look at this. [looks through papers] Your old condo closing papers. Ew, it’s riddled with Carol’s name. I wish I could throw this in the box. [the song stops playing. Michael his repeat on his computer] Dwight: Why don’t you just buy the whole song? Michael: I don’t have to buy it. I just wanna taste it. [hoarse] That's all... I just wanna little taste of it. Dwight: Oh, look at this. She saved you two thousand dollars ’cause they failed to report a mold problem. [continues to sift through papers] But wouldn’t that affect the final… How did she?... Oh... oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. That Carol is one smart cookie. Michael: [singing falsetto] Goodbye, my lover. Goodbye, my friend. [hits repeat again] Michael: This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her. Pam: I feel like I’ve been kinda cold to Karen. And there’s no real reason for it. I mean, it’s not like she’s ever done anything to me. So... I think I probably shouldn’t be cold to her. Pam: Hey... Karen... um... Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy. Karen: Yeah, right? I’m so glad you said that. Because, I don’t know how those meetings usually go. Pam: Um, usually like that. Karen: Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..? Pam: I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face. [both laugh] Karen: Right. [Pam leans against Karen's desk. Jim looks worriedly at the pair in the background] Pam: Um... I really liked your karaoke idea. Karen: Oh, cool, yeah. Pam: That could really be fun. Karen: Oh, thank you. Pam: You guys do a raffle? Karen: Yeah, we do a raffle… [Kevin is dressed in his robe making a sandwich in the kitchen. Toby enters] Toby: Hey, Kev. Kevin: Hey. [Toby puts hand on Kevin’s back, and feels the robe for a little bit too long] [Phyllis hands Angela a flyer] Angela: This should’ve been up yesterday. Phyllis: It’ll be all right. Angela: [sticks flyer on wall] Pam: [places another flyer above Angela's] Angela: What is that? "The Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a Margarita-Karaoke Christmas.” There’s no such thing as the “Committee to Plan Parties.” Pam: There is now. We just started it. Angela: Well, you just can’t start a committee. You have to have funding. Karen: What’s your funding? Angela: Two hundred dollars. Pam: What’s ours again? Karen: Umm, two hundred and one dollars. Pam: Oh, right. Kelly: [points to the flyer] Hey, a Margarita-Karaoke Christmas party. That sounds like fun. Angela: No, that is not a party. There’s only one party, and it’s hosted by the Party Planning Committee and it starts at three o’clock. Kevin: Then why are there two flyers? Karen: Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There’s a party that starts at three. Kevin: Right. Karen: And then there’s a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five. Pam: Right, and if you’re interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly-colored flyer. [Angela rips down brightly colored flyer and walks away] [Karen rips down Angela’s flyer] Pam: [laughs] Kevin: I didn’t see where it was. Jim: Yuep, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that’s what you want, right? [Karen talks over Pam's shoulder at reception] Karen: I think that’s a really good option-- Dwight: Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately. Pam: You can’t do that. Dwight: As ranking number three in this office-- I am order- Andy: Umm, eh... I’m number three. Dwight: You’re number four. Andy: Yeah, but I’m number three. Dwight: Uh, no. [to Pam and Karen] You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth. Jim: Okay, I think I can help here. Dwight: Okay, good Jim: As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees. And I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now. Dwight: Okay, this is stupid. Jim: Could you please keep it down? I’m in session. I’ve determined that this committee is valid. [Pam and Karen cheer] Dwight: No no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. [raises hand] Permission to join the Validity Committee. Jim: Permission denied. Dwight: Damn it! [Michael is seated at his desk, Andy knocks on the door and enters] Andy: Hey. I can’t concentrate when I know you’re in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. Michael: [sighs] Andy: Come on, my treat. Michael: All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway. Andy: That’s my boy. I know the perfect place, too. Michael: Hooters? Andy: No, Benihana. Much classier. But don’t worry, the babes are totally hot too. [Michael and Andy fist bump with explosive noise] Michael: Well, I need my entourage. [both exit Michael’s office] Michael: Jim, Dwight, Ryan. Come on, we’re going to Asian Hooters. Ryan: Oh, man, I can’t. Michael: Why not? Ryan: I’m not feeling so well. I’ve got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. [Michael feels Ryan’s forehead] Michael: Okay, feel better. Ryan: Thanks. Michael: Come on, Jim. Let’s go. Jim: Okay. [to Ryan] Wow--thanks for taking all the excuses, dude. Ryan: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. [holds up blackberry] Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back. Michael: Bros before hoes! Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her she was the only ho for you, [choking up] and that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then… and then suddenly, she’s not your ho no mo’. [at Benihana. The chef prepares food over the gril] Andy: So... she looks really hot. So I said, “You look hotter than usual today.” [to waitress] Thank you. Michael [gesturing to sit down] Head of the table. Dwight: [tries to sit between Andy and Jim] Just get right in there. Jim. [two other people sit next to Jim] Dwight: Actually, um… Excuse me, sir, I’m gonna need to take this chair. Michael: Dwight, just leave them-- leave them alone. Please. They’re on a date. They look very happy. Andy: So, she looks at me, right? And she goes, “I’m sorry, do I even know you?” After a year. A year of buying lattes from her. Do you believe that? Jim: Yes. Dwight: I can’t, uh, I can’t here what you’re saying! Michael: Carol used to drink lattes. Dwight: Who are you talking about? Michael: She would get this little foam mustache. Dwight: Carol had a mustache? Michael: And I used to say, “Hey, got latte?” And she’d say, "That’s not funny. Dwight: What are you guys talking about? Michael: She totally got me. She understood... that we didn’t have to laugh to enjoy-- Dwight: Michael! Michael: to enjoy each other. Dwight: Repeat what you said, louder. Dwight: It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I’m here for Michael? [food is thrown at Dwight’s face] Michael: I’m already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can’t--okay. I’m gonna call her. I am going to call and find out-- Andy: No! Dwight: Who are you calling? Michael: I’m just gonna call her. Andy: Put it away. Michael: I'm gonna call her. Andy: Put that away. S.O.S.--we--hi. Mayday [laughs] Man down over here. [to waitress] We need your help. Waitress: What can I get for ya? Andy: I think we’ll start with a round of Nog-a-sakes. [waitress gives confused look] Andy: One part eggnog, three parts sake! Some places won’t make it for you, though, because eggnog is seasonal. [Phyliss is in the breakroom at the vending machine. Pam and Karen prepare for their party- Phyllis: You should--you should put out salt for the rims. [referring to margaritas] Pam: That’s a great idea. [Angela enters] Angela: Phyllis? Phyllis: I was just getting a snack. Pam: You can have your snack in here. Angela: Pam, don’t tell her what to do. Phyllis... Phyllis: Oh... okay. Kevin: I think I’ll go to Angela’s party, because that’s the party I know. Ryan: I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t wanna go to. [Roy is in the breakroom with Pam] Roy: So, I only use three? Pam: If you’re using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you’re doing it wrong. Roy: Okay, and where to do you get all those cool bows? Pam: Oh, I just get those at any party supply place. Roy: Okay. Are you sure I can’t use, like, the cartoons from the newspaper? Pam: Oh, yeah, your mom would love that. [Karen enters] Roy: Hey. All right, I’ll see you guys later. [leaves room] Pam: Bye. Karen: He’s cute. You should date him. Pam: Oh... Yeah, maybe. [chefs prepares food at Benihana] Dwight: Looks like you got a little Nakiri knife action going there. Chef: No, it’s Usuba. Dwight: Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though. Chef: Actually, the Usuba’s the better knife when you’re working with this quantity. Dwight: Eh, I don’t know. Still think Nakiri’s better. Woman at bar: I think he’d know. [Dwight and her stare at each other] Michael: Nothing he’s doing is cheering me up. Andy: Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey, Cindy. He just had his heart broken. You wouldn’t do that to him, would you? Cindy: I don’t know. Michael: Oh, sure you would. Look at you. I bet you break up with a guy every hour. [Cindy laughs and walks away] Andy: You made her laugh! Yes! She totally digs us. [referring to what chef is doing] Watch, watch, watch, watch. [onions smoke up] Huh? Huh? What did I tell ya? Michael: You’re right. That’s good. [Kelly places a candy cane on Ryan's nose. Pam and Karen exit the kitchen] Pam: Hello, everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So--you can come by-- Angela: I have a very important announcement to make. About… your paychecks. Umm… Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in. Please stand by for a very important announcement for further regarding your paycheck! [runs outside] [Angela talks to Dwight on her cell phone in the hallway] Angela: I need to know if I can start the party. Dwight: Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! [whistles] [groans and grunts] Andy: This drink… Michael: I don’t know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party. Angela: Did Michael give you permission to do this? Dwight: Start the party. Angela: [Angela slams phone shut] [Angela enters the office running and addresses everyone] Angela: Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting... right now. [opens door to conference room] Pam: Our party is also starting now. [opens door to breakroom] Karen: Yep. Stanley: [gets up and walks towards the breakroom] Karen: All right, Stanley. Pam: Good choice. Karen: Woo! Kelly: [drags Ryan to the breakroom] Angela: Welcome, Hannah. You will not be disappointed. Hannah: Why would I be disappointed? Angela: I said you wouldn’t be disappointed. Meredith: [heads towards breakroom] Angela: Meredith, if you don’t come to my party, you will be very, very sorry. Meredith: Is that a threat? Angela: No, it’s an invitation. Pam: We have vodka! Karen: Lots of it. Meredith: [leaves to breakroom party] Kevin: I hear Angela’s party will have double-fudge brownies. But it will also have Angela. So, double fudge. Angela. Double fudge… [puts out hands to weigh his options] Angela. Hmmm… Angela: Brownies. Cupcakes. Kevin: [walks towards conference room] Don’t push it. Karen: Are we taking this too far? You know what? I don’t think we’re taking this far enough. [Pam and Karen look at each other] Karen: What? Pam: I got goosebumps. Angela: I don’t back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven’t talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don’t even remember. So… yeah. I’m pretty good. [Benihana] Michael: Oh! Damn, this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. [points to chef] Which is you! Right? [laughs] Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. That guy's got steak. [leans over to random mans plate to take his steak] [sings] I see steak. Man: Excuse me. Michael: Excuse me. [Man tries to stop Michael with chopsticks] Michael: Ah, en garde! [fights with chopsticks and laughs] It's family style. [takes Man's steak and eats it] Jim: No, it’s not. Andy: Cindy! Cindy! Michael: I love steak. I love it! [laughs] Andy: I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. Cindy: [laughs] Andy: Come on! Do it for Michael. He’s had a really long day. Michael: [laughs] What are you doing? Andy: This is great. Dwight: Jim! Jim! What--what’s happening? Jim: Oh, she’s asleep. Dwight: Oh, narcolepsy. Jim: Probably. Andy: Okay, now open your eyes and describe it to me. Cindy: I don’t know. It has four bed rooms and a loft. Jim: Oh, my God. Now she’s up. Dwight: Yeah. Jim: And she’s trying to describe how to correctly butcher a goose, but she’s having trouble coming up with it. Dwight: Okay. Cindy! Yo, Cindy, Cindy! Hold its neck back, insert the knife beneath the jaw, bring it all the way around. There’s gonna be a good amount of blood. [Cindy looks confused. Woman next to Dwight is disgusted] Don’t let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood, and the innards, and the feathers. Jim: Oh, no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a, umm-- Okay, it’s pretty much the same thing. [Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy plays on the stereo in the conference room as Kevin places food on his plate] [people chatter in the breakroom. Stanley sips from a cocktail glass] Kelly: What do ya think? Stanley: Fruity and delicious. Kelly: See, I told you. You want one, Meredith? Meredith: No thanks. They’re too sweet. [walks past with a bottle of vodka and sips from a cup] Karen: Hey, so what’s the status. Ryan: Looks like they forgot the power cord. Pam: What? Karen: Oh, you’re kidding me? Ryan: No. Karen: Oh, God. You guys, guys, um… I’m sorry, but there’s a problem with the karaoke machine. [everyone sighs] Kelly: Well, that blows. Darryl: Hang on, little ladies. You don’t need this thing. I’ll go grab my synthesizer. [everyone cheers] Everybody: Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! [Darryl exits break room and passes Phyllis] Phyllis: Hi. Darryl: Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your… [looks inside conference room] meeting, you should, uh, come to the breakroom. We’re having a party. Phyllis: Oh, okay. Darryl: All right? See you later… [Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy continues to play] Hannah: [tries to break nut on a Nutcracker doll] These nuts are really hard to crack. Angela: Try harder then. [Hannah smashes Nutcracker on top of nut] Angela: [sees Kevin take another brownie] Uh-uh. No one has seconds until everyone’s had some. Kevin: You’ve got to be kidding. Angela: You’ve got to be kidding. [Kevin takes bite of brownie] [Ryan walks out and grabs his jacket from his desk chair. Phyllis watches on] Phyllis: Cold, huh? Ryan: Huh? [puts on jacket] Phyllis: Maybe that’ll help. Is it cold in there? [Benihana] Andy: They have been checking us out, all night. I am not kidding! Michael: You know what we should do? Andy: What? Michael: We should invite them to the Christmas party. Andy: Now, you are thinking. Yes! And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy. Michael: Oh, you are such mensch, my friend. Michael & Andy: [stand up and fist bump with explosive noise] [Michael enters the office with the Benihana waitresses] Michael: Okay, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. Jim: I’m sure they’ll want to meet her too. [Michael takes bike from the Toy Drive] Michael: The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike. Second Cindy: That rocks. Michael: Yeah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it’s yours. Second Cindy: Thanks! [laughs] I wanna give you something. Michael: Oh. Second Cindy: [whispers in Michael's ear] Michael: [laughs] That’s what she said. [Michael enters the conference room with Second Cindy] Michael: Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend. Andy: And my new girlfriend. Angela: Where’s Dwight? Cindy: Is he the hot one or the giant baby? Michael: [whispers] The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry. I had no idea this party'd be so lame. Phyllis: There’s another party in the breakroom. Michael: Oh, party in the breakroom! Let’s go, let’s go! Thank God. Let’s go to the breakroom. Angela: Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady, hey! Where do you think you’re going with that? [refers to toy she just took from table] Cindy: I thought I could have it. Angela: You can’t have it. [takes back toy] I don’t walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack. Michael: Ssshut it! Come on, party. [Dwight exits the kitchen] Dwight: Hey, it’s Angela! [Angela slams door shut, but not before Kevin sneaks out] Dwight: Hey! [Darryl plays the keyboard in the breakroom as Kevin sings] Kevin: [sings] I want you to know, That I’m happy for you. I wish nothing but… [Michael and Cindy talk. Andy talks to Other Waitress in the background] Michael: I just think there are two--two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. All right? [turns to reach for pretzel while Other Waitress turns in the other direction and stands next to Other Waitress] And my question to you [points and pulls away other waitress] is do you agree? Other Waitress: Do I agree about what? Michael: Do you agree about what? [laughs] Wow! You’re lucky you’re so darn cute. Huh? Huh? Other Waitress: What’re you talking about? Michael: Huh? Kevin: [singing] And I’m here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away, It’s not fair to deny me, Of the cross I bear that you give to me, You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know. Jim: All right. [high fives Kevin] Roy: Way to go, Kev. Good work. [silence at the Christmas Party in the conference room, as the Nutcracker plays] Angela: Did you have fun at Benihana’s? Dwight: No, it was awful. I couldn’t hear anything. [laughter, cheers from breakroom party] Angela: I’ve had the worse day here. [sighs] [Dwight reaches for and holds Angela’s hand] [Karen and Pam enter the conference room] Karen: Dwight, you won the raffle. [holds out gift] Dwight: No way! Yeah! Karen: Open it, open it, open it! [Dwight rips open present. Angela is upset and Pam notices] Dwight: Oh. Karen: Do you like it? Dwight: Walkie-talkies! Pam: [whispers to Karen] Can I talk to you a sec? [Pam and Karen leave the conference room] Dwight: Yes! Karen: Well, The Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We’re gonna disband. In the name of Christmas. Pam: [holds up rice krispie shaped like a star] In the name of Nutcracker Christmas. [Kare and Pam enter the conference room] Karen: Angela, we’ve been hearing really great thing about, uh… your brownies. And we were hoping you’d consider merging into two parties. Angela: I’m not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs? Pam: Yeah, but we don’t have a power cord. Angela: Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. [walks over to plant and picks up power cord] Is it this one? Pam: Mm-hmm. Karen: Yeah, thanks. Pam: We’ll go tell everyone. Karen: Okay. [Michael and Andy sing on the karaoke machine] Andy and Michael: [singing] And if you want love, We’ll make it, Swim in a big sea of blankets, Take all your big plans and break ’em, This is bound to take a while, Your body is a wonderland. [Michael notices Cindy ride up to him on the bike and looks confused] Your body is a wonderland. Andy: Your hands. Both: Your body is a wonderland. Andy: I’ll use my hands on it. Mm-hmm. Both: Something ’bout the way your hair falls in your face… [Kelly sings karaoke] Kelly: [singing] Whatever we deny or embrace, For worse or for better, We belong, we belong, we belong together, Ryan. [Michael, Kevin and Roy talk] Michael: When you know, you just know. Right? Kevin: Right. Michael: Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-a-lectible. Roy: Which one is she? [Michael stares at both waitresses] Michael: It’s--it’s one of those two. [points at both] Roy: You don’t know? Kevin: Dude, you should know. Michael: Yeah, well, it’s been hard. They’re wearing the exact same uniform. And I’ve been drinking. And you know how all... waitresses look alike. [Kevin and Roy snicker] Michael: I honestly don’t see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn’t love his wife just because he’s not sure what she looks like? [both waitresses talk to Ryan in the kitchen] Michael: Hey! Where’s my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don’t know where she is. Oh, ‘cause I’m drunk. I can’t even find her. Cindy: You know where I am. Michael: [laughs] I do! Hi! I just haven’t hugged you in a while. [marks Cindy’s arm with a black marker] Second Cindy: Oh. Michael: Mmm. Oh, good. That felt good. Let’s go. Party. [Creed sings karaoke] Creed: Spinnin’ n reelin' with love, Given the time, I might come back down, But it feels so good, My feet don’t touch the ground, Waa, waa, waa, waa, Well, everybody knows, I’m crazy about ‘ya… [Dwight talks into walkie-talkie] Dwight: Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy? Angela: [talks into walkie-talkie] Copy, Possum. What’s your twenty? [Karen and Jim open gifts at Karen's desk] Karen: No way! [both hold up Bridget Jones’ Diary movie DVD] Jim: What a horrible, horrible movie that was. Karen: And now we get to remember it forever. Jim: Thank you. Karen: Thank you. [both hug. Pam wacthes them from reception] Cindy: Hey. Michael: Hey, hey, you. How are ya? Cindy: This party blows, so we’re gonna leave. Michael: No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and… Cindy: Cool… Michael: Where do you wanna go? Cindy: I--we’re just gonna take off. Michael: I--you know what? I--okay, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much, in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica. Cindy: No, I have school. [leaves with Other Waitress and bicycle] Michael: You want help? Okay. Merry Christmas! Cindy: Merry Christmas. [Dwight sings karaoke] Dwight: Lady, from the moment I saw you, Standing all alone, You gave all the love that I needed… [Michael sits on the couch at reception. Jim sits next to him] Michael: That waitress was the one. Jim: No. She wasn’t. Michael: How can you be sure? Jim: Well, for starters, I’ve known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately [looks a watch] three hours ago. Michael: Don’t make fun of me. You’re making fun of me. Jim: Sorry. Michael: [scoffs] I guess, I didn’t know her very well. I marked her arm. Jim: You what? Michael: [laughs] I--I put a mark on her arm. [both laugh] Michael: So, I could tell 'em apart. I don’t--I know, I know. [exhales deeply] I can’t believe I gave her my bike! Jim: Yeah. Michael: Why do I feel like crap? Jim: You just had a rebound. Michael: I had rebound? Jim: Yeah. Which, don’t get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction. But when it’s over, you’re left thinking about the girl you really like. The one that broke your heart. Michael: I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots, and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn’t score, and I’m not sure who is actually shooting, but... whatever. Doesn’t matter. It’s all good. Or as my ex might say, "Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o. [Angela sings karaoke. Dwight kneels in front of her holding the microphone for her] Angela: Little baby, pa rum pum pum pum, I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum, I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum, That’s fit to give our King, pa rum pum pum pum.. [Michael is in his office and talks on the phone] Michael: Um, yes, I just wanted to see if, uh, you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There’s this resort called Sandals. Really? Okay. [laughs] All right. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Umm, It’s all-inclusive. [Angela continues to sing] Angela: Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum [Oscar and Gil enter the office and stop at doorway] Oscar: Too soon. [both turn back around and walk out] [Angela continues to sing] Angela: I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum, I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum. Dwight: [sings along] pum pum pum pum pum pum pum [Pam sits at reception as people leave] Jim: Night, Pam. Pam: Night. Jim: Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents. Pam: We should get him a bus ticket. [types on computer] To make his trip easier. Jim: Oh, no, that would be great. Pam: It costs seventy five dollars. Jim: Hmm. Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter? Pam: Oh! [laughs] [Dwight stands on the roof of the office with a duffel bag. His cell phone beeps] Dwight: What the... [reads text message] “You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone.” Destroy phone. [Dwight throws phone off of the roof and walks away]