The Negotiation
Written By: Michael Schur Directed By: Jeffrey Blitz Transcribed By: Admin [Roy paces in the parking lot] Karen: So, do you want to see it or not? Jim: I don’t know. I feel like… Friday night crowds… Karen: Oh, my God. You’re, like, agoraphobic. Jim: Agoraphobic? Karen: Yeah. Jim: Really? Karen: Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend. Jim: Absolutely correct. Kevin: Later, Jim. Jim: Kev, have a good weekend. Karen: Bye. Okay, so this is what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna suck it up... Jim: Here we go. Karen: And we’re gonna go to dinner... Jim: Okay. Karen: And then we’re gonna go to the movies. Jim: Sounds good. [Roy enters the office and approaches Jim] Roy: [shouts] Hey, Halpert! Jim: Hey. [Roy lunges towards Jim] Pam: Roy! Karen: [shrieks] Pam: Roy, don’t! [Dwight pepper-sprays Roy] Roy: [screams in pain] Ahh, God! [falls to floor] [people cough] Dwight: Pam, please call security! Dwight: [tears running down his face] Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well. Who’s laughing now? [blinks heavily and winces in pain from the pepper spray] [Michael and Toby sit in the conference room with Jan on speakerphone] Michael: No need for consternation, everything is under control. Jan: Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office. Michael: It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled. Jan: [sigh] Is Toby there? Michael: No. Toby: I’m here, Jan. Jan: Ok, what--what is the situation, Toby? Toby: Well, we fired Roy, obviously. And Jim won’t press charges against Roy or the company. Jan: Thank God. Toby: Yeah, um, but now apparently Darryl has some issue with his-- Michael: No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months and he’s just using this Roy thing as leverage. Jan: All right, well, are you gonna take care of this? Michael: Yeppers. Jan: What did I tell you about “yeppers?” Michael: I don’t remember. Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that? Michael: Ye--esh. Pam: I really don’t want to talk about it. I don’t mean to be rude, but I just--I don’t want to comment on what happened. It sucked. Jim: I guess… all things considered... I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray, and not the nunchucks or the throwing stars. [Jim and Dwight sit at their desks] Jim: Hey, man, I never got a chance to thank you. For stopping Roy. Thank you. Dwight: Thank you not necessary and thus, not accepted. I saw someone breaking the law, and I interceded. Jim: Okay. Um… Got you something. [holds up wrapped gift] Dwight: Don’t want it. Jim: You don’t know what it is. Dwight: Don’t want it. Won’t open it. Don’t need it. Won’t take it. Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens. Jim: It was a little glass display case for his for his bobblehead. That would have made us even, I think. He saves my life, I get him a box for his desk toy. Even Steven. Dwight: No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes. [Oscar passes Angela Roy's check] Oscar: Angela, Roy’s check. He’s coming in later to pick it up. Kevin: Man... I cannot believe I missed the fight. Oscar: It was crazy. Angela: You saw it? Describe it, please. Oscar: Well... I heard some shouting. And I look over. and Roy’s by reception and you could just tell he’s gonna punch somebody. Jim says something. Roy stomps over there. All of the sudden, bam. Roy goes down, and Dwight’s standing there like an action hero. Angela: Oh! Oscar: It was insane. Angela: [flustered] Well… good for Dwight. [Michael sits at his desk, Jim sits across from him] Michael: Okay, I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise, because I want to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you. Jim: Where’d you get that? Michael: Wikipedia. Michael: Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So, you know you are getting the best possible information. [Michael and Jim continue their conversation] Michael: Okay, Darryl, ask me for a raise. Jim: Hey, Mike. Since Roy left I’ve been doing a lot more work, and I need a raise. Michael: Hmm, well, that’s interesting Darryl. I think… [mumbling softly] that maybe you should… [mumbling incoherently] Jim: I can’t hear you. Michael: What I’m saying is that... [continues to mumble jibberish] Jim: Still nothin’. Michael: Okay, see what I did? Jim: No. Michael: By leaning back, and by whispering, I established a dominant physical position. Jim: Nice. Michael: Okay, let’s try another one. Um… Jim: Okay. Michael: Walking out of the room unexpectedly. Jim: And what happens in this one? Michael: That’s a surprise. Jim: Okay. Michael: Go ahead, ask me for a raise. Jim: Can I have a raise? Michael: [gets up and begins to walk out of the room] Jim: [softly] Sex, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher. Michael: [stops and turns back] What? Jim: What? Michael: No, what did you say? Jim: I didn’t say anything. I was waiting to see what happened. Michael: Oh it… sounded interesting… what you were gonna… [Dwight and Toby talk in the annex] Dwight: I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim, at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked, indicating an attack position. Perp grabbed the victim, I removed my weapon from its secure hiding place. Toby: Which is where? Dwight: Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter, into the perpetrator’s eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end. [gets up and leaves] Toby: Thanks, Dwight. [Ryan works at his desk, Kelly sits behind him watching] Kelly: That is the bravest thing I have ever heard. Ryan: I can’t imagine what I would have done. Kelly: I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we we're on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milkshake on me and you just laughed. Ryan: Well, that, was funny, that’s why. Kelly: Oh, it was? Ryan: Mm-hmm. Kelly: Okay, well, the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer’s in your apartment in the middle of the night… Ryan: Okay. Kelly: And you call me, to calm you down… Ryan: You know what? I didn’t— Toby: Can you stop? Kelly: You can just call somebody else ’cause I’m not gonna do it anymore, Ryan, I’m not. Toby: There’s a bunch of people back here, maybe… Ryan: Well, don’t talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night… Kelly: I call you in the middle of the night, to tell you that I love you! Toby: Guys? Toby: I don’t think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that... Wow. Genius. [Michael sits at his desk, Darryl knocks at the door] Michael: Yeah. Darryl: You ready for me? Michael: Yes, yeah, absolutely. Have a seat. Darryl: Cool. [Darryl sits down] Michael: You know what? Actually, let’s go into the conference room. Darryl: [Darryl gets up] Okay. Michael: No, you know what? Let’s stay here. No, let’s go… Yeah, let’s go to the conference room. Michael: Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws ’em off. [Michael and Darryl sit in the office silently] Michael: Number fourteen. Declining to speak first. Makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control. Michael and Darryl continue to sit in the conference room in silence] Michael: [inhales deeply] I am declining to speak first. Darryl: Okay, I’ll start. It’s pretty simple really. I, um, I think I deserve a raise. I’m scheduled to get one in six months, but I’d like that to be moved up to now. Michael: Hmm. Ohh, Darryl. [gets up and looks out the window] You are a good worker, and a good man. I just--you know, times are tight. And I just don’t think corporate's going to go for this right now. Darryl: Are you wearin’ lady clothes? Michael: What? Darryl: Are you wearin’ lady clothes? Those look like lady pants. Michael: No, this is a power suit. Darryl: That there’s a woman’s suit. [laughs] Michael: I do not buy woman’s clothes. I would not make that mistake again. Darryl: I’m gonna call Roy, man. Michael: Okay. Darryl: This is gonna make him feel better. Michael: All right. Darryl: [laughs] This is too good. Michael: [walks out of the conference room towards reception] Alright, you know what? Pam, could you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman’s suit? Pam: Oh, my God. That’s a women’s suit. Kevin: You’re wearing a women’s suit? Michael: No, I do--I on--I wear men’s suits, okay? I got this out of a bin. Michael: There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit. So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual. [the conversation continues about Michael's suit] Kevin: Who makes it? Michael: Umm, [reads the label inside of his jacket] MISSterious. And it is mysterious, because the buttons are on the wrong side. That’s the mystery. Phyllis: Look, it’s got shoulder pads. And did you see that lining? Michael: Okay, would you stop it, please? Jim: So, none of that tipped you off? Michael: It’s European, okay? It’s a European cut. Pam: Michael, the pants don’t have any pockets. Michael: No, they don’t. See? [Michael lifts his jacket tail, sticks out his backside and shows Pam] Pam: [laughs] Michael: Italians don’t wear pockets. Pam: It’s been a really rough couple of days. This helps a little. [the conversation continues about Michael's suit] Karen: Hey. Maybe you want to come over and raid my closet? Michael: No, I don’t want to do that because I’m twice your size anyway. Darryl: [talks on his cellphone] Yeah, he look like Hillary Clinton. Michael: Um, let’s just do this in fifteen minutes. Darryl: Okay, can you just stand right there for one second? [snaps picture on cellphone] I gotta send some emails. Michael: Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver’s seat. And... you make one tiny mistake, you’re dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore women’s clothes. [Kevin, Karen, Angela and Stanley are in the kitchen] Kevin: Karen, how do you feel that Roy tried to kick your boyfriend’s ass over another woman? Karen: I feel great, Kevin. Thank you. Stanley: You must have been scared out of your mind. Karen: Well, you know, it happened so, fast I didn’t really have time to be scared. Angela: What happened, exactly? I wasn’t here, so I--I haven’t really heard the whole story. Karen: Um, well, Jim and I were talking. Angela: Mm-hmm. Karen: And Roy walked in, looking super angry. Karen: And he’s a big dude, you know? And all of a sudden, Jim pushed me out of the way. And Roy cocked his fist. And then--bam! Dwight sprays him and knocks him on his butt. Angela: [flustered, touching neck] Goodness. Karen: When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed. My reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attacked him. I’m not sure which one Jim hated more. [Michael and Darryl continue their conversation in Michael's office] Michael: Let’s get down to business. Why don’t you tell me why you think you deserve a raise. Darryl: Well, it’s simple Mike. I mean, we merged these two branches, right? So, now we’re shipping twice as many orders as we used to. With Roy gone, we got a smaller crew, and I’m pickin’ up all of his slack. So, I think I should be compensated, fairly, by gettin’ a raise. Michael: [mumbles] Those are very good points. Darryl: What? I can’t hear you. Michael: [mumbles softly] That was a very good point. Darryl: I can’t-- what, Mike? Are you-- Michael: [mumbles softly] You make very compelling arguments. [Pam sits in the breakroom, Jim enters and walks to the vending machine] Pam: Sorry I almost got you killed. Jim: Yeah. That was nuts. Pam: He could have broken your nose or something. Crazy. It’s just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what was I thinking, right? Jim: No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection. Pam: Not anymore. It’s, um… it’s completely over now. Jim: [chuckles] We’ll see. I’m sure you guys'll… find you way back to one another someday. [begins to leave] Pam: Jim… I am really… Jim: Oh, yeah. Don’t worry about it. [Michael and Dwight continue their conversation] Michael: I am going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me. Darryl: Why can’t I just tell you? Michael: Because, that is the way these things are done. In… films. [Darryl writes the amount and starts to hand the paper to Michael] Michael: No, slide--slide it, yes. Darryl: There you go. Michael: Oh... [looks a the amount and scoffs] Come on... be serious. Darryl: I am serious, Mike. That’s a 10% raise. That’s what I want. Michael: I--I can’t give you that. I--I don’t make this much. Darryl: Come on, be for real, Mike. Michael: I don’t. Want me to prove it to you? [opens his desk drawer and hands Darry his pay stub] There is a pay stub. Darryl: [laughs] Are you serious? You’re earning this? Michael: Plus perks, yes. Darryl: Mike, this is barely more than I make. You been here ten years, dog. [laughs] Michael: Fourteen years. Darryl: Hoho! Michael: No, please--please, don't-- Darryl: [takes his cellphone out] Oh, I’m sorry, Mike. Some of my folks got to hear about this one. [texts on cell phone] Ah. [laughs] Michael: Okay, let’s take 15, again. Michael: A boss’s salary isn’t just about money, it is about perks. It--for example, every year I get a $100 gas card. Can’t put a price tag on that. [Jim rolls on his office chair to Dwight at the printer] Jim: Okay, if you don’t want a gift, at least let me buy you a beer, or lunch or something. Dwight: When Han Solo returns to the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon, and shoots down the TIE Fighters and saves the Rebel cause-- Do you think he does so for a free beer? Jim: Boy, I-- Dwight: No. And why are you so interested in buying me something, Jim? What’s your angle? [Jim and Karen talk in the kitchen] Jim: It’s like when he annoys me and I want to screw with him to get him back, he never sees it coming. But now, I want to be nice to him, and actually give him something, and he’s like an eel. I just can’t grab onto him. It’s infuriating. Karen: Maybe you just feel guilty about all the pranks. Jim: Well… yes, that’s probably what it is. So, what do I do? Karen: Hmm. I don’t know. Maybe you should go back out there and sell paper, so we can go on a trip. [leaves the kitchen] [Michael sits in the breakroom, Creed is at the microwave, Kevin enters] Kevin: Michael. Michael: Hmm. Kevin: Here’s the, uh, fifteen dollars I owe you. Michael: Oh, thank you. Kevin: Yeah. I heard you might need it. So… Creed: Here’s the forty dollars you gave me. Michael: I didn’t give you forty dollars. Creed: In a way you did. [leaves] Stanley: Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he’s way overpaid. [Darry and Michael sit in Michael's office, Darryl talks on his cellphone] Darryl: Fourteen years. Fourteen. I know. [laughs] Okay, alright. I gotta go. Later. [hangs up] Michael: Okay. Okay, here’s the straight dope. No tricks. No Wikipedia. Darryl: What? Michael: I talked to corporate, and they told me that I can only give you a 5% raise. Darryl: That’s ’cause of you, Mike. They’re not gonna give the workin’ man more than the boss. Michael: Well, what am I supposed to do? Darryl: Get your own raise. You gotta get out there and earn, son. Michael: I’m not gonna go out and ask for a raise right now. That is ridiculous. Darryl: Well, when they merged the two branches together, they put you in charge. Okay, and we’re shippin’ more now than we ever have. Michael: [exhales] That’s true. Darryl: Yeah, that’s true. You gotta call your girl... and get paid. Show her who wears the pants in the relationship. Michael: You know what? I should. Darryl: Yeah, you should. Michael: I have been a loyal employee for a long time. Darryl: Fourteen years long. Michael: You know what? I deserve a bump. Darryl: Make it happen, cap’n. Michael: [picks up phone] I am makin’ it happen... Sergeant. [Creed sits at his desk, Angela stands by] Creed: I remember it was very late at night, like 11, 11:30. Big fella comes in screamin’ about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car. Something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter. Angela: You’re useless. [walks away] [Jan is on speakerphone in, Michael sits at his desk, Darryl stands across from him with his arms crossed] Jan: Why don’t we talk next month, after the quarter ends? Michael: No, Jan. I’ve never asked for a raise in fourteen years. This is long overdue. I wanna do it today. Jan: Today? All right, well, uh, if you want to do it today-- we should meet in person, and uh, can you get here by five? Michael: Yeah! Um, yeah. I’ll leave right away. Jan: Great. Uh, and listen. Because of our, uh, our situation, we’re gonna need to have a third party present. Michael: Yes, I’m bringing Darryl. Jan: D--Darryl from the warehouse? Michael: Mm-hmm. Jan: No, Michael. We--we need an H.R. rep. So, uh, I think you should just bring Toby. Michael: Hey... I’d rather kill myself. Jan: Michael, he’s your branch’s H.R. rep… Michael: [talking over Jan] No, Toby is terrible. Toby is the worst human being I’ve ever known-- Jan: And we need someone else, in the room, because of our relationship. You know this. Michael! Either Toby comes with you, or we don’t do it. Michael: [sighs] Fine. [Kelly and Ryan continue arguing, Toby sits at his desk with head in hands] Kelly: You are so mean. Ryan: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Kelly: Yes you do, Ryan Bailey Howard. You called me "stupid." Ryan: No, I said your idea was stupid. [Michael approaches Toby] Michael: Toby, come on, let’s go. Toby: Where? Michael: Where? I’m gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let’s go. Kelly: What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Toby: Alright. Kelly: Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor. Ryan: Don’t you see why that’s insane? Kelly: Oh, so I’m crazy now? [Darryl drives Michael and Toby, Michael sits between them both] Darryl: Comfortable, Mike? Michael: Yeah. Darryl: How about you, man. Comfortable? Toby: No. Michael: [imitate Chris Tucker] Don’t ever touch a black man’s radio! Chris Tucker. Rush Hour. I won’t touch yours, by the way. Darryl: Thank you. Michael: Well… Darryl: I haven’t been to New York in a long time. Michael: Mm, the Big Apple. Darryl: Maybe I’ll stay overnight. Got a cousin live down there. Toby: How would we get home? Darryl: Oh, you could stay too. He’s got a big place. Michael: Maybe I’ll stay. Darryl: Mm, it’s not that big. Michael: Well… Darryl: The busses will get ya home quick. [Kelly and Angela talk in the annex] Kelly: And all of a sudden, Dwight stood up and was like, “No!” Angela: Then what’d he do? [Kelly’s phone rings] Kelly: Well, you should just read the report that Toby did. He took everyone’s stories. [answering phone] Dunder Mifflin, customer service, this is Kelly. Oh yeah, I could totally help you with that. [Angela looks through Toby's files on his desk] Okay, let me just get the folder out. Okay, it seems here that you ordered twelve-thousand reams of paper. Oh, twelve reams… [Michael sits next to a woman in reception at the corporate office, he notices her suit looks similar to his] Hunter: Hey. guys. Jan is ready for you. Darryl: Okay, bring it home now. And don’t forget the new black man phrase I taught you. Michael: Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity. Darryl: Yes, sir. Remember that. I’ll be right outside if you need me. [Toby and Michael walk away] Michael: All right. Darryl: Yeah, I taught Mike some new phrases. I want him to get the raise. I… just can’t help myself. [Roy enters the office, escorted by the security guard, Roy walks past Jim, Dwight stands up] Roy: [to Jim] Hey, man, uh… I’m sorry. [Jim motions “don’t worry about it”] [Roy walks over to accounting, Oscar stands up, Angela passes him his check] Roy: Thanks. [Dwight slyly takes his nunchucks out of his bottom desk drawer, as Roy walks to reception] Roy: Can I, like... see you after work for coffee, or something? Pam: I don’t know. Roy: Please. I just got some stuff I gotta say to you. [Pam nods, meekly] [Kevin runs out of the kitchen as Roy leaves the office] Kevin: Jim! Roy! Look out! Jim: Thanks, Kev. I’m... good, though. [Hunter opens the door to the meeting room for Michael and Toby] Jan: Thank you, Hunter. [to Michael and Toby] Hello, come in. [exhales] Ah, Okay. Michael: Who’s the boy toy? Jan: That’s my new assistant. Michael: Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek? Jan: I have to call you the second I get a new assistant now? Michael: Be nice to get a memo, we are lovers. Toby: Hi, Jan. Jan: Hi, Toby. [clears throat] First-- Michael: [clears throat] Jan: First off, Michael, this is a salary negotiation. All matters regarding our personal relationship have to be set aside. Are we clear? Michael: Pippity poppity. Jan: Right now we can offer you a six percent raise. Michael: Six percent? Jan: Mm-hmm. Michael: After all we’ve been through? Jan: Oh, God. Michael: I got you jade earrings. Jan: Michael-- Michael: No. No. Jan: Michael-- Michael: No. You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more sex. [Toby begins to write] Michael: [to Toby] What are you writing, perv-ball? Toby: Just preparing for the deposition. Toby: This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case... when it inevitably goes to trial. [Roy and Pam sit at a cafe] Roy: I’m so sorry, Pammy. I really wasn’t gonna do anything. But then I… kept thinkin’ about you two together, and… I just thought you guys were really good friends, or… or maybe he was gay or somethin’… Not that that’s wrong. Pam: I’m sorry too. I just--I think that we both made some bad choices. Roy: So, you gonna start datin’ Halpert, then? Pam: Um… no. No, he has a girlfriend. Roy: Oh, yeah… Wait a minute, you broke off our wedding for the guy. Pam: No. There were a lot of reasons. Roy: But you’re not even gonna try to go out with him? [Pam meekly shakes her head] Roy: I don’t get you, Pam. Pam: I know. [Jim sits at his desk, Dwight returns to his desk to see a piece of paper on his keyboard] Dwight: What’s this? Jim: What’s what? Dwight: "Certificate of Bravery, from the Scranton Police Department. Recognizing outstanding citizenship from a very brave young man, Dwight K. Schrute” Jim: Wow, I guess word got around. That’s a nice honor. Dwight: Please. They hand these out to little kids. Look. There’s a teddy bear in a policeman’s cap. Jim: [under his breath] Mm... didn’t think you’d notice. [Dwight scrunches the paper up and throws it in the trash] [Michael, Jan and Toby continue the negotiation] Michael: Why don’t you just take that pen and stab me in the heart. This is me, Jan. This is me! Jan: Michael. Please, why don’t we just take a break? Michael: [sarcastically] Okay. Jan: This is--this is really going nowhere. Michael: No, no, no, no. You do not try tactic number eight on me. I invented tactic number eight. I’m not going anywhere. Jan: Okay, Toby, how about if you-- Toby: Sure. [leaves] Jan: Great. Jan: What’s wrong with you? Michael: Ohh. It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed. And then Darryl made me feel bad for not making any money. And then I had to ride up here with stupid Toby. And then-- your assistant, is all young and hot-- And I-- Jan: Okay, Michael... I can offer you a twelve percent raise. But... you have got to ask for fifteen. Michael: Well, that’s ridiculous. I’m never gonna make-- Jan: No, just… [quietly] I just need you to ask for it... so I can record that you asked for it. Okay? Michael: Ah, so… All right, Levinson. Here’s the rub. I would like a fifteen percent raise. Jan: No. But we can offer you twelve. Michael: But you just said fifteen. Michael: Negotiation is an art. Back and forth, give and take. And today, both Darryl and I took something. Higher salaries. Win, win, win. But, you know, life is about more than just salary. It’s about... perks. Like having sex with Jan– Jan: Michael! [Stanley and Phyllis leave for the day] Stanley: So, you and Bob are looking at a historical house? Phyllis: Mm-hmm, near the river. Stanley: Mm, how many bedrooms? Phyllis: Four. [Angela is at her desk] Angela: [whispers] Dwight. Dwight. I’ve been doing some very interesting reading. Dwight: Really? Angela: Mm-hmm. Tales of bravery. Dwight: Hmm. Good stuff? Angela: Mm-hmm. I was thinking tonight, we could… read it together. Dwight: That sounds… fun. [they kiss, Jim walks out of the bathroom and sees, he walks back into the bathroom] Jim: [scoffs] I… will never say a word. And now... we are even. [Andy gets out of his car] Andy: I graduated from Anger Management the same way I graduated from Cornell... on time. Now I’m back, got a second chance, and I’m not gonna blow it. [in a forceful voice] So look out, Dunder Mifflin! [laughs] [snaps] I mean, "look out", in a fun way. You know, not like, "I’m gonna hurt you." [Andy enters the office] Andy: Hey, guys! Guess who’s back! [Dwight pepper-spray’s Andy] Andy: Aah! Aah! [screams in pain] Ohh, God! Dwight: No need to thank me. Dwight: I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. You know who’s a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That’s a hero. Also, Bono.