Launch Party (Part 2)
Written By: Jennifer Celotta Directed By: Ken Whittingham Transcribed By: Admin Michael: How we doing on time? Angela: The party starts in an hour. Michael: Good. These are some things that I would like to have happen. Angela: Beer, lite beer, streamers, orchids. Better lighting? Michael: Mmmhmm. Angela: Something made of ice? Michael: Those are just things. This is how I want it to feel. Angela: Pizza, pizza with mushrooms, pizza without mushrooms, white pizza, steak? Michael: I would like this party to be sexier, cooler, more important… Angela: Chocolates? Someone famous? Michael: Yes Angela: Cool music. Michael: Uh… Angela: Confetti. Michael: I want it… Angela: Go-Go dancers? Michael: I want it to embarrass all other parties. I want it to be a party that the guys in New York watch on the web-cam and say, “Wow! How did they get Al Roker to come?” Angela: I can’t do this. Michael: Yes you can. Angela: I can’t do it. Michael: Yes you can. I know you can. I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t hundred percent believe it. Who else could do this? Angels: Okay. Okay. Michael: No seriously. Is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don’t have a lot of time. I’ll get the pizza! Andy: What do you think of Angela? Dwight: I think she’s efficient. Andy: No, not like that, as a woman. W-O-M-A-N. Dwight: I hadn’t noticed. Andy: You hadn’t noticed she’s a woman? Dwight: [impatient sigh] Andy: I hear she’s single and ready to mingle. I’m thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right? Dwight: I think it’s inappropriate to date someone you work with. Andy: Isn’t that part of the fun? Dwight: No. I think you should date Kelly. Andy: She works here too, how is that any different? Dwight: Uh, she works in the annex. You’re also welcome to date Toby. Andy: [raised eyebrows] Okay. Michael: Good news. Stanley: We get to go home? Michael: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo? All: [murmurs of approval] Kevin: Wait! Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo? Michael: Same thing. Kevin: No, no. All: [disagreeing with Michael] Michael: You know what? I don’t understand when you all talk at the same time. Kevin: Oscar, talk to him. Oscar: Michael, there’s a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients, and overall taste. Which one did you order from? Michael: Pizza by Alfredo. All: [shouts of disapproval] Michael: Okay, okay, what’s better? A medium amount of good pizza? Or all you can eat of pretty good pizza? All: Medium amount of good pizza. Michael: [sighs, walks back into office] Kevin: Oh no, it’s bad. It’s real bad. It’s like eating a hot circle of garbage. Phyllis: You can pick one of these things. It’s unreasonable for you to ask me to do all of this. Angela: It should take no time at all if you put the care into it that you normally do. Phyllis: [Balls up post-its and throws them in Angela’s face] Angela: Ow! Phyllis: That seemed to shut her up. Andy: Are you looking for dinner and a movie? Because you’re not going to find it in that box. [Camera pans to Kevin giving an “are you kidding me?” look] Andy: Just so happens that I know where you can find it, but again, not in the box. Andy: Angela, are you hearing words that I’m saying? Angela: What? Andy: Hello. Angela: I have been working on a party for three weeks that just got thrown out the window. So now I’ve got to pull together a whole new party, and my useless number two quit, so now there’s no one in charge of orchids, chocolates, or the thing that’s made of ice. And my upper back itches, and it’s itched all day, and I can’t reach it, and Kevin had Greek food for lunch again. Andy: They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then, explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates. Michael: Yup. Pam: The Pizza by Alfredo guy is here. Michael: You don’t have to say it like that. Pam: I said it normal. Michael: Hey Pizza guy: Hey. Sixty-three fifty, and that’s not including tip. Michael: Right, I have a coupon, so half of sixty-three fifty, and half the tip of sixty-three fifty. Pizza guy: The half off coupon only applies to orders of two pizzas. Michael: Yeah, I told them on the phone that I was ordering eight pizzas. Pizza guy: I don’t care what you told them on the phone, that’s our policy. Michael: You didn’t actually think I was going to spend sixty bucks on pizza? Oscar: It’s not pizza. Michael: Okay, it doesn’t say it anywhere on the coupon, and if it’s policy, it should say it on the coupon. Pizza guy: [shrugs] Michael: [sarcastic shrugging of shoulders] What do you mean hmm-um? Pizza guy: Not my problem. Michael: It is your problem. That’s no way to do business, okay? I ordered eight pizzas with a half-off coupon, so I would like eight pizzas for half-off. End of story. Pizza guy: Great story. It’s sixty-three fifty, and that’s not including tip. Michael: I’m not giving that to you. Pizza guy: Well then you’re not getting you’re pizzas. Michael: No, no you’re not going anywhere. You’re staying here until we figure this out. Pizza guy: What? Michael: You know what? This young man needs to learn that’s not how you treat people. I don’t care if it’s pizza. Good business is about respect and accountability and follow through. You don’t just make promises and pull the rug out from under somebody, do you? Dwight, please escort this young man into the conference room. Right now, get in the conference room. Pizza guy: I’m not going in there. Michael: Yes you are, yes you are, and you will come out when you decide to give me a discount on the pizza. Please, thank you. Pizza guy: This is stupid. Michael: No, you don’t even know what stupid is. It’s about to get all stupid up in here. Stanley: You find anything? Kevin: We think it’s a straight forward kidnapping. Oscar: Stanley, could you look up “accomplices”? Stanley: Why can’t you guys do it? Oscar: Because we’re looking up jail time. Stanley: Fine. Dwight: I’ve seen this kid before. He’s one the kids who sneaks on my farm and steals my hemp. Pizza guy: Yeah, I know that guy. He’s that farmer that grows really crappy weed. Michael: You ready to give me my discount now? Pizza guy: No. Michael: Okay, what have you been doing in here this whole time? Pizza guy: What kind of business is this? Dwight: We’re a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world. Michael: Alright, Dwight, knock it off. You better think about what you are doing young man. Pizza guy: You better think about what you’re doing. Michael: No! I’m an adult, I don’t have to think or do anything. You’re a kid, a little snot-nosed, punk kid who thinks he’s better than everyone else, because he’s some hot shot, and you don’t know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk, okay? Pizza guy: Sales? Michael: Yeah sales, you sell pizza. Last time I checked that’s called sales. Pizza guy: You’re such a loser. Dwight: What did you just call him? Pizza guy: A loser. Dwight: What did you say? Pizza guy: A loser. Michael: Alright stop, stop making him say it! You just made this worse, a whole lot worse. Dwight: I can make him talk, Michael. All: Michael, Michael Michael: Stop talking all at once! Jim: You need to let him go. Michael: Let go of the little jerk boy before he has learned his lesson? Jim: Yes. Michael: You know what Jim, the world would be a better place if people were held accountable for their actions. Jim: Yes, but not by kidnapping. Michael: I’m not kidnapping him, I’m keeping him until I get what I want. Jim: As a hostage. Michael: I think you’re over-thinking it. Jim: I think you’re under-thinking it. Michael: Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then? Okay, can you tell the manager that I’m keeping his delivery kid until I get a discount on the eight pizzas I ordered. Yes, I know it is not on the coupon. Also I would like him to throw in two, three pizzas for our… Jim: Ransom. Michael: Trouble. Okay, alright. Jim: What did he say? Michael: He said no. Jim: So, we should let him go. Michael: No, no. Jim: Okay. Dwight: Listen up kid. [pops balloon with his hands] I don’t like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights. Angela: I have to hang these. Pizza guy: Why are you looking at her like that? Dwight: Hey! Kevin: What’s going on? Jim: Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands. Michael: Mister Overdramatic, what’s up Kevin? Kevin: We’re getting hungry out there. We’re all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end. Angela: I needed another hour, it could have been done in another hour. Meredith: I think it looks good. Angela: That’s why you’re not in charge Meredith. Andy: Here you are my dear, one thing made of ice. Angela: How did you, um, where did you… Dwight: It’s just ice, it’ll melt all over the floor. Angela: Will you help me put it over there? Andy: Yes I will. Angela: Okay. Andy: Excuse me. Andy: I stole it! Oscar: Thank God. Pam: Michael, Ryan wants to introduce the branch managers in a few minutes. You just have to wave and introduce yourself. Michael: I’ll just wave and introduce myself. Jim: Hey, quick question. If I take a pizza, do you think you could take some sodas and some napkins up to the roof? Pam: I’m all over it. Jim: Okay. Jim: What have we got here? Kevin: Good pizza. Jim: Yeah, cheese, or do we have other flavors? Kevin: Different stuff. Jim: Which one’s this? Perfect. Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk? Pam: Yeah, enjoy this moment, because you’re never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate Dwight. Jim: And that’s when I knew. You? Pam: You came up to my desk, and said, this might sound weird, and there’s no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired. Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me? Pam: Yep. Jim: Wow, can we make it a different moment? Pam: Nope. Manager: Can I start talking? Is this thing on? Give me a signal when you want me to start. Ryan: And now from my old hometown, Scranton Pennsylvania, my former boss, Michael Scott. Michael: Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer, so take that [bleep]hole. Ryan: Always a jokester. How about that image? Crystal clear. Pizza guy: If anyone out there is listening, I’m being held here against my will. I’m a minor. Angela: Ow! What are you doing? Andy: You said your upper back itched. Angela: I didn’t ask you to scratch it. Andy: Look Angela, I know this is weird because we work together, and up until and possibly now I’ve repulsed you, but I like you. Angela: I’m not dating you. Andy: So, Angela is stubborn as a mule, she’s giving off fairly strong vibes that she’s not interested. Dwight: [smiles] Andy: But do I like her or not, because if I like her, then I can’t back down. Dwight: [kicks open bathroom door] If you’re going number one you’ve got ten more seconds! Michael: Hey, have you seen Jim? Kevin: I guess he wanted to get out of here before the cops find out. Dwight: Ahh-chaa! Michael: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Dwight: I’m just scaring him. The trick is to make him think you’re going to do something to him. Pizza guy: I can hear you, man. Dwight: Shut up, or I’m going to punch you in the throat! Michael: Hey, hey, hey stop it. Stop it now, God. Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid. Dwight: You had to, what other choice did you have? Michael: I could have paid for the pizza. Dwight: Well, yeah. Michael: Oh my God, oh my God. Michael: This is Michael. Ryan: Hello Michael, this is Ryan, first off thanks for the shout out. Michael: You’re breaking up. I can’t hear you. Ryan: Why is there a kid on your webcam saying that he’s being held against his… [Michael hangs up on Ryan] Michael: [to Dwight] Mmm-kay. I want you to go in there, and pay him for the pizzas, and give him a generous tip, no more than ten percent. Dwight: What will you do? Michael: I will open the door. Dwight: Yeah. Michael: And hopefully he will walk out, and the rest is out of our hands. Dwight: So, I’m paying full price? Michael: Yes. Dwight: Here we go, sixty-five. You know what? There’s two more. Michael: See ya, drive safely. Michael: [pizza guy flips him off] Okay. Dwight: Now what? Michael: Now we wait, and hopefully nothing happens. Dwight: Alright. Oh, I assume I’m going to be reimbursed for the pizzas. Michael: Not now Dwight, please, it’s not the time. Jim: A toast, better make it good. To avoiding a class two felony charge. Pam: Ah-ha. Andy: [answers two ringing phones] Hello, hey hang on a second. Hello, hang on. Andy: [Andy plus two voices on the phone singing] If you change your mind, I’ll be first in line. Honey, I’m still free, take a chance on me. If you need me let me know, gonna be around. If you got no place to go, if you’re feeling down. If your all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey I’m still free, take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best, and that ain’t no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try. Take a chance on me, that’s all I ask of you Angela. Take a chance on me. Voice #1 on phone: Hey how’d it go? Voice #2 on phone: Yeah, what’d she say? Andy: I don’t know yet, I have to call you back. Voice #1 on phone: You have to give us something… Andy: I’ll call you back. Angela: I have to go clean up after the party. Michael: What a horrible day. Dwight: Blah. Michael: Bluh. Dwight: Uhh. Michael: Well, I need to get the horrible taste of this pizza out of my mouth. I’d really like some sushi. I was hoping that I would have New York style sushi today. And you know what? Dwight: What? Michael: I’m going to get it. Dwight: Coopers has calamari. Michael: Uh-uh, no, there is only one place where they authentic New York style sushi. Dwight: Tokyo? Michael: New York. Wanna go? Dwight: Yes. Michael: Alright, you drive. Dwight: Okay. Dwight: Nice. Michael: Here we go. Dwight: Woo-hoo. Michael: Mmm. Dwight: Yum. Bartender: I’m sorry, you guys are going to have to leave. Michael: Hey, you know what? [Michael and Dwight grab plates of sushi] Come on, come on, let’s go. Man: Hey, you’re the Scranton guy. Michael: Guilty. Man: I liked your statement tonight. Michael: Oh, thanks. This is the guy that beat the computer. Man: Oh, very cool. It was funny to see Ryan all embarrassed by that. Michael: Yeah. Man: See you later. Dwight: Later on. Michael: [mocking Ryan] I’m Ryan, and tonight didn’t go the way that I thought it would, because it didn’t work out for me, and I’m very embarrassed. I got egg all over my face. Dwight: And I spent so much time in Scranton and I never sold any paper. Michael: I never sold any paper, because I’m an idiot. Dwight: I started a fire with my cheese pita. Michael: I made it with my cheese pita. Dwight: I date Indian girls. Michael: I started a fire, I started a fire. Dwight: Now I’ve got a beard, and I can do whatever I want, and I’m your boss. Michael: And I’m hot, I’m so hot. That’s why everybody… Dwight: I don’t get that, I don’t understand that. Michael: Well, it’s part of it, it’s just the… uhhh. Michael: Wanna head back? Dwight: Yeah, let’s go. Ryan: [steps in front of camera, adjusts jacket, poses, winks]