Goodbye Michael (Part 2)
Written By: Greg Daniels Directed By: Paul Feig Transcribed By: Admin DeAngelo: [at the animal shelter with Andy] You know how I met Jo Bennett? And got started on my ladder of success? Andy: No. I don’t. DeAngelo: [hands Andy a dog] I’m walking along, out of work. Again. Thinking to myself, ‘I only have enough cash to buy a sandwich, or get drunk. And I see this guy trying to steal this lady’s dog! So, I grab the dog. He runs off. She’s so grateful, she hires me. Andy: Awwhh, wow. DeAngelo: Gimme that dog! That’s not your dog! [takes the dog from a confused Andy] Yeah! Again. Andy: Oh, okay… DeAngelo: Gimme that damn dog you [bleep] thief! Don’t ever do It again! [Andy nods modestly] DeAngelo: You hear me?! [Andy nods again] DeAngelo: You feel that energy? Andy: Mmhmmm. DeAgnelo: Wooo! Yeah! [parades in circles with the dog, pretends to whack Andy with it] [giving it to Andy] Okay, again. Erin: I know that Gabe is young, and hot and everything. And he’s begging me to reconsider, but I… I just think I’m in love with someone else. Michael: Kevin? Erin: Andy. Michael: Ahhhh… Erin: I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose. Michael: Maybe neither. Erin: I’m not attracted to Kevin. Michael: Erin, listen to me. You shouldn’t rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. [Erin is smiling] And when the right guy comes along, you’ll know it. You will. [kisses her head] And you know what? You don’t need a mom. Because you have my number, and you can call me anytime. Erin: [nods] Extension 147. Michael: N- Erin: I know. Michael: Okay. [both chuckling. Michael leaves Erin, looking thoughtful] Phyllis: [on the phone] You want the 27-26 or the 27-30? Michael: Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done? Phyllis: No. [trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone] I’m on a sale! Michael: Listen to me. It’s two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind. Phyllis: Okay… [Jim gives a knowing look to the camera] Michael: Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow. [pulls out an envelope from his jacket] Dwight: Yes. Michael: So I wanted to give you that. [hands him the envelope] It’s a letter of recommendation. [Dwight looks eager. Michael nods to him and walks away] Dwight: This is gonna be good. [eagerly reading the letter] To whom it may concern. [off to the side] Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. [reading again] The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme. [to the side again] That’s great, if I wanted the dictionary definition I’d buy a dictionary. [reading again, slowly gets sadder] I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme. [holding back tears] Lot’s more like that, really repetitive. What’s this? [pulling out a small card from the envelope. Reads it] Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball. [checks his watch quickly] Ohhh, yeah. Dwight: [opening his trunk excitedly and gets out his paintball gear, takes his gun and looks for Michael, gives up, Michael jumps out of the dumpster shooting, they shoot each other, yell, laugh, and taunt, having a great time] Michael: [in the office, crosses Dwight off his list. He has paint in his messed up hair, and is containing his laughter] DeAngelo: [giving his and Andy’s pitch to a client] I would just like to start off saying, I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard for very long, I can say, is that he is no Michael Scott. I can’t sit here and tell you he’s gonna be a success. I can’t sit here and tell you that he’s even the best man for the job. [Andy looks awkward] But I can say this: He’s got potential. Sure. You know, I always say: go big, or go home. You go with This guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life, OR, the biggest, Good decision of your life. It’s either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher who’s gonna get you your paper when you ordered it, for the agreed upon price, [Andy looks hopeful] Andy’s not your guy. [Andy deflates] You ever play Russian Roulette? [scoffs] Time to spin the chamber horse. By signing up for another year. [hands the client a folder he needs signed for another year’s contract] Jim: [Michael walks into the office, still a mess] Ahh, what happened to you? Michael: You should see the other guy. Dwight: [smiles knowingly] Michael: [looks at the clock to see it is three o’clock] Jim where is Pam? Jim: Uhh, she’s still pricing the whatevers. The shredders. Michael: But it is already three o’clock! [Michael leaves, Jim gives a knowing look to the camera] Pam: [walks into a movie theater showing The King’s Speech] Michael: [in his office talking to Creed, Gabe, and Meredith in that order] Whether you’re scared of dying, or dying Alone, or dying drunk in a ditch. Don’t be. It’s going to be okay. Michael: Yeah, I was tripling up. There’s not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody. Michael: [Gabe is still standing in front of Michael’s desk] And you, why are you still here. Gabe: [sounding hurt] I’m either going to quit today or stay to make sure that Andy’s career is destroyed. Michael: No, you are not going to quit today. For goodness’ sake, this is not going to be your last day in the office. Everybody gets dumped Gabe. Can I give you a piece of advice? [Gabe nods] A little cover-up on your Adam’s apple will make it appear smaller, and make you look less like a transvestite. [Gabe looks awkward and Michael winks] DeAngelo: [walking out the client’s room with Andy] That is cold sir! Absolutely cold. You know what? It was a complete waste of my time. Andy: Uh DeAngelo, I’m, uh. I forgot my bag, so I’ll meet you in the car. DeAngelo: [grumbles] Okay whatever. Andy: [walks into the client’s office again] Sir, I’d just like to apologise, for that. I could tell you that he has a steel plate in his head, or that he’s crazy, but the truth is I think he’s just a terrible salesman. And I want you to know, that if you re-up with us, anything you need, day or night, I will be the one to take your call. Client: Keep talking. DeAngelo: [on his phone waiting for Andy, next to their car] Yes. Okay, alright. No, well thank you! Alright, take care. [hangs up] You’ll never guess, we did it! Andy: [laughing] Hey! [they hug] Good job boss! DeAngelo: We did it! Michael: [standing in front of his office, sees that it is three forty five] Okay, everybody come on. Conference room five seconds! Let’s go! Hurry up, let’s do this! [Dwight runs into the conference room. All others follow] Stanley: Yes, what is this about? Michael: What is this meeting about? Stanley: Mmhmmm. Michael: Okay, here we are in the conference room. Once again. And I just wanted to call you all here, together, because I have something important. Well, there’s two things actually. Okay first, I would like a whereabouts on Pam. [Jim looks regretful] And secondly, Phyllis how are those mittens coming? Because I would actually like to bring them home and pack them. I’m leaving for the day at four. Phyllis: They’re almost done but my knuckles are swelling a little and- Michael: [cutting her off] Well power through the arthritis Phyllis, you can do it! Stanley: Is that it? Michael: Umm, hmm? Stanley: Is that it? Michael: [the office looks up expectantly] Ummm… Hm… No. [changing his mind] No. There’s a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he’s coming right in. [walks out and then back in, now using a Vietnamese accent] Oh hi everybody, it’s Ping! [the office groans] And I’m here to say goodbye to all you wonderful people! Thank you everybody! You’ve been so wonderful! [only Kevin is laughing. Stanley tries to leave. Michael hugs him] I ruv you all! I ruv you very much! Jim: Hey, can I talk to you for a second? Michael: Sure. [Ping accent] Be right out! Jim: [brings Michael into his office] So I’ve been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day. Michael: [sad] Ohh… Jim: What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me? Michael: [holding back tears] Okay… Jim: You’re not leaving tomorrow. You’re leaving today, right? Michael: Maybe. Jim: Wow, so that’s it huh? Just, four o’clock and you are gone for good. Michael: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing? Jim: Absolutely not. It’s just that sometimes… goodbyes are a bitch. Michael: [pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it] T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. [starts to cry] You started with this company, as a fine young man… Jim: You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch. Michael: Oh, okay. Jim: And then tomorrow, I can tell you… what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had. [Jim is holding back tears too] Michael: [hears a taxi honking] Oh shoot! That’s my cab. Jim: Alright. Michael: Alright. Jim: Listen Michael, I really… I did text Pam, but… Michael: I know, it’s okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright? Jim: [shakes Michael’s hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch. Michael: I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am. Jim: [chuckles] You got it. Michael: Okay… [crosses Jim off his list] Phyllis. Phyllis: Oh no, they’re still not done. Michael: No no no, let me see. [picks up the mostly knitted mittens] Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love ’em. [waves goodbye to her with the mittens] [Michael begins walking out the office, he takes one last look at all his friends to see them working, and Jim looking back, teary eyed] Creed: [drinking from Michael’s World’s Best Boss mug] See ya tomorrow boss! Michael: Later guys. [leaves the office] Michael: Got almost everybody. So… Holly’s my family now. [you see video of Michael getting into the cab and driving off. As the cab leaves, Pam drives in] She’s, my family. The babies that I make with her, will be my children. The people that you work with, are just… when you get down to it… your very best friends. They say, on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office. But I will. Gotta be a lot better than a deathbed. [You see Michael getting out and entering the airport and going through security] I actually don’t understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that? Michael: [putting his shoes back on, talking to the camera crew] Well, I guess this is it. Hey, will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. Alright… Oh! [pulls out his mic from his shirt] This is gonna feel so good, getting this thing off my chest. [he hands them the body mic, when he speaks it is inaudible now] That’s what she said! [waves goodbye and walks off to his gate, halfway there Pam comes running up to him and they hug for a while. They say their goodbyes to each other, and Michael walks off for good] Pam: [watching Michael’s plane take off. Crying and has smeared make up on] No he wasn’t sad. He was full of hope. About Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an award’s member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly. DeAngelo: [all are in the conference room for Michael’s party. Michael isn’t there. Jim gives the camera a knowing look] Well if he’s not gonna make it at least we should go ahead and eat the cake. [Kevin nods] I for one love the corners. [cuts a corner piece, picks it up with his bare hands, and takes a bite] Why’d I just do that? It’s not even that good. I don’t even want it. I had cake for lunch. [throws the piece in the garbage] No, you know what? I’ve been good. I deserve this. [grabs a piece from another corner. The office groans] What am I doing? [chucks it into the trashcan] Come on DeAngelo! [DeAngelo tries to lick the cake, everybody yells no] Dwight: [to Jim] Uh oh… [Jim, tearful, nods]